GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
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