i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
