Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
