I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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