Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
