I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
