trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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