I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Are my feet made of real feet?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Randomize
