Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I believe in your delicious
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
