Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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