A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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