im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
