Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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