So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
