My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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