Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
