he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Is it because I queefed?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
