I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
