I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
