i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
