I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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