somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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