After last night, I could never be a politician.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
