it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Can Purell be used as lube?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
