I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
