Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
