i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
