He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
