You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
