Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
