I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
