Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
high people should be assigned attendants
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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