someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
