It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
