hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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