don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
