Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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