wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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