How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
