Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You can't motorboat a personality
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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