just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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