Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
