shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My dick has a subreddit
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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