Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
