So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
