He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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