Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
