I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
