I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
