you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
