It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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