At least make sure they are 18
Why
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
