I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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